[Penny for my thought ]

[Saturday, November 23, 2002]

You may leave the clam on the ocean floor,
It's all the same to the clam.
For a hundred thousand years or more,
It's all the same to the clam.
You may bury him deep in mud or muck,
Or carry him 'round to bring you luck,
Or use him for a hockey puck,
It's all the same to the clam.

You may call him Jim or Frank or Nell,
It's all the same to the clam.
Or make an ashtray from his shell,
It's all the same to the clam.
You may take him riding on the train
Or leave him sitting in the rain.
You'll never hear the clam complain,
It's all the same to the clam.

Yes, the world may stop or the world may spin,
It's all the same to the clam.
And the sky may come a-fallin' in,
It's all the same to the clam.
And man may sing his endless songs
Of wronging rights and righting wrongs.
The clam just sets -- and gets along.
It's all the same to the clam.

It's All The Same To The Clam
---Shel Silverstein, R.I.P.
[Posted by Stephen] at 10:43 PM

blogger,
oh...my...god last night was absolutely amazing. i went to go see rufio at the chance, and now i can die happy. heres a breif synopsis of the concert---

first a "warm up band" came on and they were absolutely horrible. they were like a bad highschool death metal band and all he members were definately like 40 and they were all fat and the drummer was horrible. but when that was over RUFIO CAME ON and i almost crapped my patalones. they played in my eyes, still, dipshit, save the world, like a prayer, yes, like a prayer. above me, and a *new song* from their upcoming album which is being released in february :-) i cannot wait. when the went off the stage i definately could have been moshed to death and would not have cared...unless they were doing an encore and i missed it. but they didnt. they have so much energy, they were jumping all over the place it was great. the 2 guitarrist was diving off the amp tower into the crowd and was playing these rediculous solos layin on his back and the bassist was playing behind his head, and he did a flip in the middle of a song, and he threw his bass around his body on the strap and wow. it was just so amazing. i want to be them. so then they left the stage and i was in a state of total euphora, sitting on my little balcony, when none other than the 2 guitarrist from rufio walks by and i nudge him in the head with my shoe and he turns p to me and is like "rock on" i was like woooooooah. yeah. so after rufio played the crowd started getting into it a little bit more, after that horrible band before them....uhg. so then auto piliot off came on and they were alright, i dont really know then and they sounded like just another punk band. but i enjoyed that. after them was the ataris. i've never heard anything by them before, but GOD are they good. they had almost as much spastic energy as rufio. towards the end of their set they all dove off the stage and played while they were crowd surfing. when they were done, everyone cheered them back for an encore, but only the lead guitarrist came back on. (by the way he destroyed 3 guitarrs throughout the duration of his set) and told us about a girl with cancer, who had almost died and was recovering, and their music brought her through it, and we wrote a song for her called "my reply" it was definately one of the saddest things ive ever heard. i wanted to cry. i hugged cassie through the whole thing. wow. so it was absolutely amazing, and i want to go see rufio and the ataris again someday. that would rule.

--------me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:47 AM

blogger,
im still very very sore from track. i dont like this. today i didnt even go. i went to drama instead, and there wasnt even a real drama meeting. we did act 2 which im not even in...so yeah.i dont know if ill be able to finish out the track season. im so very tired. last night i went to bed at 9 for the second night in a row and im still way tired. i didnt even do anything today. i feel run down tho. i have a sore on my tongue, the kind you get when you have a cold. im oh so weak. i just hope nobody wants to fight me in the next five minuites, cuz id be on the ground crying. shes jelous ;-) i told her i had to kiss someone in the play and she was like ooh.....right on. so i am now home and i have like 20 issues of supreme to read and about 20 isues of prototype and still about 1,000 comics i nall to read. wish me luck, and wish me time andwish me some more time. i need to be able to not sleep. maybe if i get a pick line for liquid caffene....

people stare and i just ignore
i just ignore them and they
go away go away go away

------me
[Posted by Stephen] at 6:59 PM

blogger,
it was a good day today. im not as tired, but im still just as sore. moreso even. at track we only ran for an hour, but we ran alot. it was tough, being sore to begin with. concert is this friday...i cant wait. im so psyched. its going to be so great. so that was all the good stuff, and now i complain. tomorrow amy is going to model UN. im going to miss her. i always miss people when i know that i cant talk to them for 4 days. i missed cj when he went to dc, and im going to miss amy tomorrow. the other thing thats bothering me alot is pete fiore. erg. i wish he would just go away. he joined track, and is the biggest instigater. we had to run at a pace today so he, of course, tells all the dick heads to run ahead of the pace settersand slow down and block the track. yeah way to be a dick pete. i hope he gets kicked off or quits. stupid bitch. i dont run track for the hell of it, im doing it for myself. im not letting him or stupid mrs kelly get to me tho. im going to do it so i get in better sape for tennis...which pete will also be doing. yay. yeah and remember the dave matthews concert i was trying to get tickets to to bring melissa to? yeah he got tickets to it and is bringing ashley mahoney. i love how he gets lucky like that an i can feel real dumb about it. i really like melissa, hes probably talked to ashley once and was just like hey shes hott...lets take her to a concert, get her drunk and high and fuck her at my sisters house. stupid bitch. people call me pete. stupid bitches. i wish i never met him. i dont see how everyone loves him so much, hes the most negative person in the world. i also love it how every day some one asks me if im stoned, or sick, or if im ok? THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE if stoners look like me thats their problem. i am not a stoner, ive never smoked pot and gotten high. i dont want to. im not sick. im not in perfect health, but theres nothing wrong with me enough to make me LOOK sick. i have something wrong with my jaw, and im getting sergery on it over X-mas break. i have something going on with my intestines but the guy said it'll most likely correct itself within a year. and i have some mental condition i inherited from my loving grandmother, but i dont let it bother me. so, theres nothing seriously wrong with me. im just an average kid whos just totally pissed off at the world. but to help with this ive taken a pacifist vow never to hurt anyone physically. it'll be tough but im not going to. ever. so thats all for today. i might notwrite tomorrow, on tuesdays and thursdays i have track and then drama after it so i wont get home till about 7:40 and ill be very tired and have homework, so ill try to write if i can. if not, then i apoligize to erin and jane who are devoted to reading this every day. thank you for reading this, it makes me feel better to know someone cares, or is really bored like i am to write so much in this so often. so, goodbye untill tomorrow. 2 days till rufio :-) and i still love her from a distance :-/

if i leave here tomorrow will you still remember me
well im with speed traveling on now
cuz theres too many places ive got to see
if i stay here with you girl things just couldnt be the same
im as free as a bird now and this bird you cannot change

-----me
[Posted by Stephen] at 5:34 PM

dear blogger,
today was the first track practice. it went pretty well, i didnt make a fool of myself and i didnt get too tired. but then i had drama. hooooly shit. so im doing track, the murder mystery and now im being snoopy in the charlie brown skit for the X-mas concert. yay. i didnt get home till 7:45 tonight. oy. the only reason im doing the charlie brown play is beacuse its short, i have no lines, AND i get to kiss katie hart. score :-). this is going to get so hectic. so on behalf of me being super freakin tired and having not slept well in a week i leave you now.

---me
[Posted by Stephen] at 7:58 PM

blogger,
this entry is all for allison. she wrote me a note today. we had a long walk to health. yeah...it was good. im very very tired today. i slept none last night. i read about 40 comics tho. im going to sleep at like 7 tonight i swear. i fell asleep in earth science. it was bad. im so back to liking her its not even funny. marty is giving me his yu-gi-ooh cards...holla. im gunna kill everyone in yu-gi-oh cuz im amazing. hahaha no not really. i drew a really cool picture of an angel geting killed by satan in the back of religion today. and i didnt even feel the slightest pang of concience. mrs cullly is gone for 2 weeks, shes getting a nose job. im so happy i wont see her till december. tomorrow i have track, gym, and drama....yay ^_^. im snoopy :-). thats all for now.

----me
[Posted by Stephen] at 4:42 PM

blogger again,
2 updates today, and its all for erin. i went pizza-place-hopping with her today. we decided that garys pizza in florida is the best pizza place around. we both have not been there ever. good times erin, good times. so i told me dad to pick me up at 3:15 at borselinos. erin left then, and i call him and hes in warwick and is yelling at my mom in the car and shes on the cell phone. he claims i told him 5:00?? whatever. so i get picked up after waiting for about a half hour. both my parents are pissed off to the point of yelling and arguing about the most absurd things. theyre going to shop rite, but i made them drop me off at the comicbook store in chester. i cant bear to be around them anymore. so i stay there for about an hour and a half, looking through magic cards and reading comicbooks. i like doing that. i could easiily have stayed there for another hour if i had my magic deck. there were a ton of kids playing there. it was a yu-gi-oh tournament day. i never bought into that game cuz its expensive and very limited. i have 2 yu-gi-oh cards. giltia the knight of dawn, because he looks like my character in my book, and toll, cuz i stole it from some kid who stole one of my magc cards. that bastard. i definately got the bum end of that deal. so i call my mom at 5:00 when the store closes and ask where she is, she forgot about me being at the comic book store, shes god knows where comes back to get me, and is STILL in a yelling fight with my dad. its uncanny. yes, uncanny. like the X-Men. so after i get picked up, they drop me off at home at my request before they go out to dinner. i cant take it any more, im running away. well not really, cuz it would be easier to just wait untill college and go someplace on the west coast. which is what im definately doing. ill go somewhere on the west coast, and as soon as i get there, ill develop an irational fear of flying so i wont have to come home. i dont know who my friends are anymore either. i wish i did, it would be nice. ive had this mantra not to piss anyone off ever and its been working, ive not been hated in a long time but apparently there are a few people who i thought were friends who hate me but just act like tehy like me. i would much rather they just tell me they hate me. it would make my life easier anyway. i dont hate anyone as of right now. i try really hard not to. theres people who annoy me, but i dont hate them, i just avoid them and put up with them. i find ive become very good at dealing with morons, and waiting forever to get picked up. i swear, my parents are totally incapable of picking me up on time, EVER. as soon as i get a car i will be the happiest person in the world. *note* there was a 20 minuite pause here...i was on the phone. i just thought you would all like to know this. so, i think all my rage has been vented. im happy again. well not happy actually, but just plain indifferent. so here ends the second update of the day. almost anyway. heres a short epilogue to my god thoughts before. the only way i would be religious would be if heaven was a place where i could be left alone forever with my toys. and by toys i mean hobbies. and NOW ends this entry. erin is my favorite person in the world right now.

tell all my friends im dead
im leaving you this time its for good
tell all my friends that im dead
it wont be long before you forget my name

-------me again
[Posted by Stephen] at 7:10 PM

dear blogger,

yesterday i got to thinking, and here are my thoughts. while sitting at home playing videogames (zone of the enders, which i have yet to beat) i stumbled upon the subject of "god". ive been told all my life that there is this omnipotent being, if you could call it that, which has always existed and always will exist. and this being one day just decided that he wanted to create the universe. his reason for doing this, according to my religion teacher, is "because he loved us" there was no "us" to love before creation. i dont believe in the bibles creation story. its bogus. why bother going through such trivial proceses like making a man. and making a woman from his recycled parts if your omnipotent? thats where i have trouble, if hes so powerful and great why'd it take him 7 days? so if we someday develop a machine that super evolves a single cell bacteria into a superioor life form in 5 minuites, are we better than "god"? and another paradox for you, this god is all powerful correct? and there is nothing that canot be done through him correct? so if he created a rock so big he couldnt move it, could he move it? either way theres a limit on his power. theres not one good god, there has to be a bad god as well. satan cannot be an angel, because angels are human souls again according to a previos religion teacher of mine. and there has to be even good and evil in everything, it has to balance out. so if theres god, and his legion of angels and bogusness and theres one devil, how does that balace out? it doesnt. there has to be another "god" figure, one whos maybe created an evil earth just so we balance out. it also adds to the measure that the good god is not omnipotent. there has to be a limit.

next topic, science. i dont get that either. what guy one day decided to set up some super complicated equation to explain how everything works? like math class. i sit there and listen to the bullshit spewing from the noise hole of the teacher and all the retards on the other side of the room. then lendl turns to me and mutters something inanely simple and its all clear. i swear im moving to switzerland. all the geniuses in the world live in switzerland. they've already figured out the formula for curing every kind of disease, created an economy where everyone profits, and an isolation policy so that politicians from greedy capitalist nations cant take their ideas...now they've moved on to perfecting chocolate. someday theres going to be a war, and the wrong guy is going to decide to try to take over switzerland and the second he steps on swiss soil hes going to be vaporized by their atmoshperic defense grid.i swear im moving to switzerland. i just hope the admittance test isn't too hard.

back to the topic of "god". they say god is in our past, the one who created us. what if thats not true? if what i previously said about us being able to create machines to duplicate his work, then what if we are god? what if our existance is a self contained loop in time? what if "god" is the concios entity that we become when every conciosness on earth is simultaneously connected into one another, i.e. via the internet. the way we're headed, someday everyone will have their brains fiber opticly wired into the internet, but someone is bound to stumble onto the formula on how to free up the other 90% of our brains for use. most likely the swiss will. so this could mean that our entire existance is us, creating a lesser species in the past which would evolve into us in the present. the only problem is that as this loop repeats itself, how did it start? how did the lesser being become the past? the future created it. how did the future beings get there? they evolved from the past. its just one big parodox.

so i'm still trying to figure out how we got here, and next ill try to figure out why were here. if someday i dissappear without a trace, i've either been smitten by an omnipotent power, or i've moved to switzerland. this entry was inspired by playing too much Magic: The Gathering and Final Fantasy VII. never download mah-jong. its frickin addicting.

i'm useless, but not for long
the future is coming on

------me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:48 AM