[Penny for my thought ]

[Saturday, December 14, 2002]

Blogger,
so tonight was the opening night for the X-mas concert. we owned it. i didnt even watch the whole thing, The Cast just hung out i nthe music room and fucked around like the horny little teenagers we are. I'm out of my little slump now. 100% i swear this time. CJ freted way too much about this, it went fine. even if we messed up we still would have owned. yeah so I'm definately addicted to my guitar. I'm going to learn how to play i swear. i don't think I'm going to semi. unless someone guilts me into it, or i can scam a ticket or something *cough cough* can't get a date *cough cough*. I don't feel like paying $40 to go alone and get dissappointed. the sad thing is, if i had the chance to go it alone, live totally isolated from people forever, i'd take it in a pinch. someday I'll be more than me.

I've been waiting around
Systems failing now
Walking on a wire
On the ground

---snoopy
[Posted by Stephen] at 10:11 PM

dear blogger
im blowing off 2 reports to write to you. well to start you off, today i found out that melissa is going out with chris orengo. *dies inside* yep....i dont care tho. i also discovered carolyn is the best :-) and shes a good person inside unlike so many other people i know....blah. i dropped katie today. i feel so bad :-( im going to sing to her. i want this play to be over. i hate it. im sick of it. its short and we do it so many freaking times and i am totally incapable of doing it right :-( damn. the family is going disfunctional once again. this sucks :-( mommy and daddy are going away tomorrow night tho, so it will be quiet around here. kevin is shipping out to a basketball tourny tomorrow too, so when i come home at 8 i'll be all alone. score. anytime anything goes wrong i think "vacation is coming soon" then i realize that im going to be in pain or drugged up for most of it. yay. i also realized today that the only thing that makes me happy ever is music. its always playing in my head, and i think im going schitzo or something because i've always got a voice singing up there. the worst thing that could ever happen is for that to go away. i had a nightmare last night that i woke up def. i was so sad and angry, then i went to school and realized that if i was def, i wouldnt have to listen to anybody, but i could still sing in my head, and thats all i want. i just want to sing and sleep. i dont like this having my guitar at school, i miss it. i always have it in my hands, and now its there and everyone else wants to play it all the time, but its mine. i still dont know who this one is, jerry needs new strings because the ones on him are all messed up from the oil on my fingers all the time, and i have yet to clean him from the windy day. yes, im giving my guitar, an inanimate object, a name and perosonality, thus adding to my schizophrenia, but idont care. as long as i know im crazy, im fine.

i'm so happy,
cuz today i found my friends,
they're in my head.

---me (singular)
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:39 PM

blogger,
yesterday we got so much snow and ice and shit and i got to go home early :-) florida was the last district to dismiss tho but it was good anyway. so yesterday i was all trying to get stuff organized and it didnt happen. i made my snoopy costume. its so cool = ). the play is on saturday, and i have to miss another track meet to go to it. arg. whatever. i think i got kicked off, i havent gone in over a week. my first priority from now on is going to be to learn to play the guitar because i suck. hahaha all you burkies bes go here joe casa-boner made it. i predict he goes big. lol. 2 days of practice left, lets hope we dont mess this play up. come see it if you can :-) its o nsaturday and sunday so you have 2, count em, two chances to come see it.

the radio plays a love song
i smash my fist right through the dial

----me
[Posted by Stephen] at 7:46 AM

dear blogger,
im very very sorry i havent written you in so long, but ive been very busy. on sunday i was busy fretting and being sick and such. monday morning i went to the orthodontist and missed school. yay. then mommy made me go in and i was still sick and i hated every minuite of it. today i was after untill 7 and i feel much better. katie hart is the perfect girl. she plays guitar and she pets me :-) altho i still like jane better because she....uh.....is jane....duhh, i think we might pseudo have something going on there. semi is coming up, i dont even know if im going, who i would ask to it, how i would pay for it, what i would wear to it, how i would pay for that.....this looks like a stay home and sleep kinda thing. its still a long way off, but whatever. so yeah, thats all for today. i'll *try* to update tomorrow for you jane and erin, but no promises.


-----me
[Posted by Stephen] at 7:34 PM