[Penny for my thought ]

[Saturday, April 05, 2003]

blogger,
another boring day in the life of steve. i watched cartoons till 12:00, played grand theft auto for like 3 hours (thank you joe) and then sat in my room trying to avoid the people that were over. thats really all. i don't much like my brother. all day he was trying to annoy me, so i punched him. hard. he cried, and now i'm not allowed to do anything, ever. oh darn. i convinced my parents to let me go to joey's tomorrow tho. score. they can't keep a punishment going. i called circuit city and they didn't have the SP in stock today, so i didn't get it. boo. i don't know why but i'm achy all over today. weird. whatever. my pedal still didn't come :-( i was really hoping it would. i played today. i suck. i wish i had some talent, and musical inclination at all would be nice. i really like dashboard confessional, and michele. dashboard confessional reminds me of michele. i had this hott dream about michele where we were holding hands. yeah it was hot. holding hands...thats like third base for me. yeah michele, this is your official (overdue) shoutout. hey michele! yep. now i don't know what i'm going to do. i'm pretty bored. i'm the only person in warwick not at the smiths watching the game. kansas is killing marquette. i don't even care who wins. i need a new book to read. i also need to collect my stuff people are borrowing. leddy has my zelda cheat book and cj has my dilbet book. i want my stuff back people. punks. whatever. aight i'm out for the night.

mood: bored to pieces
music: dashboard confessional - hands down

---me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:01 PM

blogger,
today was pretty uneventful, tennis was canceled so i had nothing to do really. i just kinda sat around and did nothing all day long. i realized last night that writing is my thing, and thats all i've been doing. i need to practice guitar more. not like i'm practicing for anything, i just miss it...even though it's right there in front of me. oy, i'm pretty tired, so i think i'm going to go to bed. i don't have anything going on this weekend really. tomorrow i wanna go to the mall and get my SP. (gameboy SP) i have enough for it, i'm excited. good nite blogger

mood: happy...finally
music: taking back sunday - timberwolves at new jersey

---me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:32 PM

Good morning,
i'm in typing class, and so incredibly bored you have no idea. i lost solitaire like 3 times. jess is soooo hott. i want her to have my kids. hey jess ;-) how YOU doin? she's good. "how you doin" yeah...tennis match was cancelled. blop. i love when it rains. first in global we watched a movie about death. then in HR we listened to a poem about death. i think i'll go do some dying myself later. oh wait...i'm dying of boredom right now!!! muahaha!. oy. the bell needs to ring riiiiiiiiiiiiiight now.

---me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:49 AM

blogger,
i just finished reading "the perks of being a wallflower". i read it straight through in 2 hours. that was definately the most inspiring thought provoking 2 hours of my life. i read slowly, simultaneously comprehending the story and re-evaluating my own life. the boy the story centers around, charlie, is so like me in every way. i've found that in my own life, any time i'm faced with a decision or some new circumstance pops up, I immediately thin of the consequences, and evaluate the situation rather than respond quickly. thats why i suck at spit. throughout the story charlie's english teacher told him to stop thinking and participate in life. i think this is great advice for anyone like me, who can't bring themselves to do something for the sole reason that they're evaluated the situation and the negative consequences outweigh the positive. i think to much, and always believe i have too much to lose. i've never experimented with drugs or anything homosexual because i know what will happen, i've seen it. i'm caught up in ficticious realities in my head, and i never translate them into my actual life. what am i going to look back on? when were my glory days? the purpose of this blogger was not to follow the crowd and have a cliché website, but to publish my thoughts for anyone to see who didn't care to befriend me. i believe in the saying "don't judge a book by its cover" i've made what i thought were friends, but have turned out to be aquantances who i only speak to on occassion, who i believe are ideal people. they see life for what it realy is, they critisize everything, which leads to understanding. if you don't deny it, how can you prove it's real? no, i haven't gotten my faith back. i'm still a doubting thomas. i really don't want to get into that, suffice to say, my life's goal is to fulfill my own expectations. not the standards that were set 2,000 years ago. i've decided what i want to do with my life, and that is to inspire others, by one means or another. if i cannot, if i fail at this, and i am forced to become a victim of society, a prisoner of the ordinary, i hope that there really is a god, and there is an afterlife, someplase i can serve a purpose. i feel like my purpose in life right now is to be the stolid one, the stone; the constant. i'm not going to be emotional because thats not me. i'm not going to be the serious kid who can't talk to anyone without bringing up the future, where are we going, stuff like that. i'm just going to be there, for anyone who needs me.

and he sits alone at his desk, pencil in hand, blank sheet of paper laid before him....and he wonders....is this life?
[Posted by Stephen] at 12:15 AM

blogger,
i had another shitty day today. i've given up. april just sucks, plain and simple. the only good thing about today was that i finished this weeks spanish work already, and got a good head start on next weeks. score. if jaimie and i get it done tomorrow, then we have an entire month to write the research paper. score. oh boy. i gave up third period, and all i did was play puzzle frenzy on my calculator all day. i'm on level 46 i think. since i'm wallowing in self pity alot lately, i decided to finally read that book "perks of being a wallflower" by Stephen Chobsky. everyone read it in the beginning of the year and loved it and i never got around to it, so now i'll read it. all day all i needed was a hug, and i got a homerun (in gym) and 2 hugs. = ) i <3 carolyn & melissa. so that was the end of school. tennis was alright. it was cold and i sucked again. BK 1z n00b *click click* wall hacker *click* shit damn hell fuck *click click* i gotta go take a shower now, i smell like feet. good bye blogger.

mood: wallowing in self pity
music: dashboard confessional - living in your letters

---me
[Posted by Stephen] at 6:50 PM

blogger,
today started off good, just like yesterday, but got progressively worse. yipee. i sucked ass during tennis practice. i hate it, i don't start really getting into it till like and hour into the practice. i need to play for like 4 hours to really get good. i was doing so terrible today, i wanted to crawl into a hole and die. or just stop playing. but dying in a hole is a more "permanant solution" as hitler put it. there i go quoting hitler. don't call me crazy, but i have respect for the guy. he wasn't crazy, just misunderstood. and misinformed, and poor, and a porn addict no doubt. ok, there goes all respect. lets try to not talk about hitler ok steve? ok. so yeah, i come home and mom and dad are not speaking to eachother. great. i'm probably the cruelest person in the world for saying this, but they need to just get divorced already. all they do is fight, and make left handed comments to eachother, and we haven't done anything as a family in months, and i don't know what the hell they're doing. if their staying together for the kids, its not worthit. kevin is all messed up because of it, and it's just pissing me off. they won't talk to us about it, but to tell the truth i don't really care. all i want is people to fucking grow up and stop being fake, fighting over the little things, and being downright ass holes. on the quality-of-life-o-meter, i'm at about a 3 right now. i still haven't beaten mega-man. i've given up on females. i just read my bloggers for the past month, and realized how pathetic i am. i don't even take an initiave. i just sit around and fret about it. way to go steve, you're a natural born leader. i haven't picked up my guitar in weeks, i've totally lost it for that. the only thing keeping me sane is this blogger, the lid upon my head, as put by dave matthews. some people really have a way with words. i wish i did. i can't write, it just doesn't flow. i need to get away. i'm actually not looking foward to vacation this year. everyone is going away. i'll be home with the people i love. great. if i was religious, i'd pray for things to get better, but i make my own luck. and experience has shown me that i can just ride it out, and it will be fine. everything in my life works itself out sooner or later, sometimes all it needs is a little push.

mood: fuck you
music: dave matthews band - let you down

---me
[Posted by Stephen] at 7:59 PM

oh dear blogger.
today is terrible. it's snowing. in april. tennis was cancelled, and now we're going to be horrible on friday when we play cornwall. boo. i stayed after and beat marty in yu-gi-oh like 400 times. go me. then i helped DG with a bit of yearbook. the last deadline is thursday. i regret not helping her more. next year its going to be tough if i do it tho, i don't know if i really want to take that kinda responsibility. moving on, i want to move out. i hate my family. real quotes from today, unaltered and both said within 5 minuites of eachother. "i hate you" -my loving brother "i hope you rot" -my loving mother "dick head" -again, my loving brother. i'm not coming out of this room till.....tomorrow morning. ug. joey and i are going to construct the ultimate computer. oh, its going to be good alright. its going to be GREAT. well, i really have nothing other to say except that i hate my family. the end.

cHIPper GRIPper: hey stevie!
Auto response from Just S p a c e: i'm sorry to report that i am dead. i did not send on a chain letter last night, and i was killed by the disgruntled ghost of a five year old. don't mourn my death, just make sure you pass on my chain letter...or i'll kill you too. have a nice day.
cHIPper GRIPper: awww you died
cHIPper GRIPper: what'd u leave me? :-D
cHIPper GRIPper: i mean...i'm sure kevin is really sad that you're gone...
cHIPper GRIPper: give my respects to the family

mood: fed up
music: Dashboard Confessional - A Plain Morning

---me
[Posted by Stephen] at 5:45 PM

blogger,
well today went by without incident with anyone. i got all my work done no hassle, and have no homework tonite 8^). i watched black sash that i taped from last night, that was a pretty good show. i hope they actually make it into a series. i still have to watch todays yu-gi-oh and dragonballZ. For those of you just joining us, i'll reiterate. i am a dork, i admit it, i love it, and i will endure because of it. steve = doesn't give a shit. today i was so happy, daddy finally caved and agreed to buy the new computer and i'm lookin around for it. i really want an alienware, but they're mad expensive. he gave me the money to order the pedal. score beans. it'll be here by the end of april i hope. i'm excited. i had to postpone the assault on doppler's lab because of the backlog of TV i had to watch. well, now i'll have to be off, i gotta watch DBZ before everwood is on. good night blogger.

FlyingFis18: dude, i have megaman X4 for playstation
FlyingFis18: i can beat everything no problem
FlyingFis18: but i can't beat SIGMA in his transformed state
FlyingFis18: i think it's all a scam
FlyingFis18: by the way, grow a pair a plums and ask her out or something
FlyingFis18: sorry, it's just frustrating how u say you're gonna do it and then u don't

mood: content
music: dashboard confessional - so impossible

---me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:33 PM

blogger,
good evening, i've much to tell you. all day i played so many video games. i beat megaman x...well, technically i didn't beat the final boss, but thats easier said than done. mor elike impossibly done. you can't beat sigma, it simply cannot be done i tell you. it sso fast, and like three hits and you're dead. urg. so yeah, i went to winn today, and i traded alot with ryan and whatnot, now i have 2 polymerazations, you know you want it. i love how i write about all this dorkish stuff, but the only people who would be interested in it don't read this. ironic much? i think so. i'm also going to ask that those of you who do frequent my site, please dont just go to the blogger, view the entire site (amy) at http://www.justspace.cjb.net it takes alot for me to actually keep something like that maintained and whatever, so at least take some time to look at it. yeah. that said, lets move on. today i did three sections of earth science, 2 labs, an entire chapter's work of global...and then i choked and didn't do the spanish. so close to getting everything done. oh man. so tomorrow resumes the tennis schedule of everyday for 2 hours. i'm not so sure though, because it snowed earlier (which was a bit odd to say the least, i'm wearing shorts) and its supposed to stay chilly throughout the day tomorrow. maybe it'll get cancelled and then i can stay at school and help DG with the yearbook. i lost my rufio cd. i was sad. i'm really getting into evanescence, theyre really good. i've totally lost all religion, this was demonstrated today when i shoplifted. go steve. i'm such a klepto, i really can't help it. gahh i hope there isn't really a hell, cuz i'm going there. oy. so in the past five minuites, i've deleted 6 porn e-mails, 3 nigerian princess bank scams, and gotten 2 IM's from "hott loose 17 year old girl waiting to be done" psshh. the internet is a giant porn tool. all i wanna do is play mega man. and NO i DON'T want the nude sims patch dammit!! jeez. people these days. yeah, so i decided i haven't given up totally on her, or the last level of mega-man. nothing is impossible. i'm going to try. i need to. maybe not tomorrow, we'll see what kind of day it is i guess. so wish me luck, for now i'm off to dream land. goodnight blogger.

mood: tired, confuzed, unable to beat mega-man X
music: better than ezra - good

---me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:43 PM

blogger,
i just realized that i didn't post last night. so yeah, cassie's was cool. i like her dad better than her. we chill. this morning i woke up and watched dogma. this is like the 4th time in three weeks i've seen it. i love that movie. today i have to finish my massive amounts of spanish homework, i want to go to the comicbook store, and i'm going to beat mega man X. i'm up to sigma's last form, i have all the powerups and he's really really hard. in mega man X3 i beat like 2 bosses, and i just figured out how to beat bit and byte, but i'll do that later. i love taking back sunday. they are so noice, seriously. timberwolves at new jersey is the best song, i've listened to it all morning. it's a gross day out. blah. i'm still tired. oh well, back to mega man.

mood: chillin
music: taking back sunday - timberwolves at new jersey

---me
[Posted by Stephen] at 4:38 PM