[Penny for my thought ]

[Saturday, June 14, 2003]

Blogger,
Good day so far, I woke up really early, and dad and I went out to breakfast. We dropped kevin off at some basketball thing, and dad volunteered me to tutor John LaFrance in Biology. When we came home, I went driving. I went down to Danielle's house, chatted for a few minuites, and it started to rain so we came home. Dad and I watched Rockstar. Good movie. Tonight we're going to get chinese and watch Analyze That. Later on I'm going to have to write my essay for my spanish final. Boo spanish! Whatever, at least I'm done with it for good now. My hands hurt. I seriously think I have carpal tunnel or something like that. Oh well, I don't really care. I'm going to go play PS2 or something. Adios.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 6:06 PM

Blogger,
Man today is really dragging on. I watched the entire week's worth of Samurai Jack episodes, w00t w00t. Right now I'm listening to Apocalyptica. Amazing band right there. It's sad, today I felt like such an adult. I yelled at my brother for being a little kid, and I was tired at 8:00. I'm so ashamed of myself. I've been discontented with myself quite a bit lately, and it's not cool. Man, this Bloger is getting so boring. I'm not interesting anymore. I wouldn't want to be friends with me. So I've really got nothing to write about right now, I've just got nothing better to do. Maybe I'll go to sleep, cartoons are on in the morning, w00t w00t.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:04 PM

Blogger,
I forgot about all these quizzes from a few days ago I took with Michele. here's the results for your viewing pleasure:

Humorously evil. Which Penny Arcade character are you?

Which Famous Homosexual are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey


Take the Affliction Test Today!


Which Evil Criminal are You?


How dumb are you?


You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are Psychic!


What's Your Magic Power?
brought to you by Quizilla

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 7:00 PM

Blogger,
Today is going by so slowly. Once again, I'm completely ashamed of myself. I wish I was a vulcan. things would be so much easier if I had no emotions. But, instead I sit here and act like a fool. All i want is her right now. I'm so stupid. I wish I was cool and suave and everything. Kerry's good at being blunt and just telling it like it is. I trip on my words. I wish i was cool. I keep reading over my to be or not to be poem nad thinking about how stupid I am. I really need to stop this though, it's getting rediculous. I'm neck deep in self pity and stupid emotions. If only I was a robot...

Mood: frustrated
Music: Catch 22 - On & on & on

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 6:09 PM

Blogger,
I don't know where I am today. I'm so out of it, I don't know why. It suddenly occurs to me the reason I'm not on drugs. I'm always stoned. I actually saw amy in school today. I'm so happy school is almost over. Today we had a yearbook meeting. I watched TV when I came home. I'm not really able to string words together into coherent sentences today. All I know is that last night I literally did have a dream that I didn't wake up. I don't know how to explain it, it was just too weird. I want to go to the beach so bad. I want her pretty bad too. I love how I always fall for the wrong person, and I know I do, and I still don't do anything about it. I'm such a failure. I really don't have anything to do right now, so I think I'm going to go to bed. Tomorrow I have to write my spanish essay after school so I'll be free for the weekend. Not like anyone wants to hang out with me, I just hate having things like that looming over my head. So close to the end. Good night.

Mood: ...lost.
Music: Deftones - Minerva

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 7:54 PM

Blogger,
Today everyone had a bad day except me. Carolyn had some drama going on, and Kerry decided today we were "awkward." Whatever. I was totally normal today. It was hot, I stayed after to do the english commercial. Then I came home, and watched cartoons. I wish Amy would talk to me about things like she used to. I havent even seen her in 3 days. I don't like this. I got my permit in the mail today. I wanna go driving. I'm going to call Amy and then go to bed. Good night.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:14 PM

Blogger,
I had to rewrite the "To be or not to be" speach for homework, so here it is.

"To Be Or Not To Be"

To love, or not to love, that is the question.
Whether 'tis greater an action to achieve
This elusive, yet still crucial emotion,
Or to live a passive stone cold existence,
And by ossifying, stop. To want: to need;
Ne'er more; and by a need to say desire,
Desire what might lie just beyond your grasp
That girl, who in her action becomes my thoughts,
Yearning for her embrace. To want, to need;
To need, in essence, to necessitate,
In needing to desire, we desire to need.
When we've reach'd the end of our road less trodden,
We must give pause-for there the irony lies
Which destroys what we so viciously fought for.
Yet who would submit to these arduous trials?
The emotion's lost, the feelings gone again.
The pangs of conscience's disprized advice,
The destructiveness of these emotions past,
The merit indecisiveness takes but not,
That which upon myself hath brought, nay, not I.
Yet with mere thought, a query unto myself,
Destroyed mine own heart, dismantled mine own soul,
And with this, a death accompanied, dreaded.
Wrought from mine own origins, becoming end;
An end from which none return yet traveled well,
In ending, we begin anew, now reborn.
Fly not to another I know not of, nay,
Thus, acquaintance makes a jester of a man.
While yonder resolution is much afar,
Simpler solution lies not at great distance.
With expectations nil, and desires high,
Will not this predicament be solved yet?
Oh feared action, dreaded question I may ask.
This fair maiden I have longed but to embrace.
Let these trials not go in vain.

I would just like to thank Kerry for being my inspiration today. Thank you.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:41 PM

Blogger,
Oh boy, writing from in school. I'm such a bad as. Anyway, heres something i found a little disturbing.
http://www.rickross.com/reference/clergy/clergy49.html
Jaimie sent it to me over the share drive. If I ever met this guy I'd have to kick his ass. Seriously. I'm done with my keyboarding final, its not due until Monday. I still need to finish the Hamlet project, due wednesday, and My spanish final, due Thursday. I don't know if I'm going to get spanish done, its alot more than i thought. Here comes the bell. Peace out.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:55 AM

Blogger,
I'm such a mess right now. I'm so ashamed of myself. I want to just curl up and die in a little hole or something. I hate it. I swore I'd never fall in love again, but I can't help it. Erg I wish I didn't do this to myself. This is so not cool. I need to go to sleep, I can't stand it anymore.

TIC19TAC: Steve, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak city.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:24 PM

Blogger,
I cleaned my room today. Like seriously, I cleaned my room. I threw out at least 30 lbs. of crap I'm never going to look at again. Why did I do this you ask? Because daddy finally caved and is not only buying a new desktop...but a new laptop as well. I'm so excited. Score beans. But now comes the bad news. The only reason he's doing this is because my mom decided she wants a laptop down at the shore so she can check her e-mail and whatnot. . She's going to live there. Not cool. Dad told me today that this summer he's going to come down with us Fourth of July, and thats it. I don't think my mom wants him down there at all. I hate this. Today dad tried to talk to me about the "situation" but I really didn't gfeel like hearing it, so I was just like "Everything is fine." I hate lying to him, but I just don't want to deal with this right now.
---
Shit I have so much spanish homework to do. I also havent touched my guitar in a week. I'm such a failure. And to top it off, I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking about this girl. I don't want to be like this again, but its happening. I guess love is just a part of human nature; its something you can't control. I wish I didn't need to feel like this, because I know its going nowhere. Nothing can happen here, and I don't even really want it to. So I'm just going to go on living and try not to do anything stupid. Kerry's right, I'm just a big pussy. But on the bright side, so is a lion. Watch your back.

Mood: Dazed and Confused
Music: Greatful Dead - All Along The Watchtower

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:29 PM