[Penny for my thought ]

[Saturday, July 19, 2003]

Blogger,
I just got home from the mall. I saw Pirates of the Carribean with Mallory. We say Danielle there with Maggie so we sat with them too. It was such a good movie, oh man. I'd see it again. I'd see it like 4 more times. As another act of Karma, I didn't want to spend any money today, but I paid $5 for my movie ticket, Mallory got in free because she works at McDonalds, I paid $10 for pizza with her after the movie, then as I'm leaving, i find a $20 bill lying on the ground, nobody around. Initially i thought it was someone with the fishing line trick, and when I tried to grab it, it'd be pulled away from me, so i nonchalantly walk by it, and as soon as I'm past it, I spin around, stomp my foot on it, and slide it away, breaking the string. I pick it up, and bolt like lightning. Yeah, I made a clean get away, and came out ahead $5. overall, a good day. Tomorrow is Melissa's Iron Chef cook off. I'm excited. I better rest up. I have a small teenage girl to cook tomorrow...I mean...what?

There's a monkey in the jungle
Watching a vapour trail
Caught up in the conflict
Between his brain and his tail.

Get the cool...
get the cool shoe shine.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 10:05 PM

Blogger,
Good day. Finally. Joey came over, we played Magic. I have concluded that my skill for card games IS in fact directly related to my mood. Last time i played him, we played at least 20 games, and as soon as I was sick of playing, he won. Today, I'm in this emotional slump, and he won 3 times. Kevin, who is always off the wall, lets me use his deck, and I beat Joey 3 times. Its karma, I'm telling you. I'm a total believer in Karma. We went to Winn, and I wanted to get Kevin a green/white deck. They're all out of green/white decks, so i buy him a different one. I get home, I open it, and lo and behold, they packaged the wrong deck in the package. Its the green/white deck I set out to buy for him which was "Sold out," yet here it is, in the wrong box. Factory error or Karma? We'll leave that up to the philosophers. I just finished watching "Under Seige" and playing G. I. Joes with Kevin. Another Karma thing today, I was thinking about how i broke his Delta Commander, and we go to Winn, and there, sitting atop the shitty $3.00 toy pile, is the exclusive gold repaint of Delta Commander. So I bought it for him. I'm nice like that; albeit I bought it with his money, but hey, I had good intentions. So now I must sleep, for I have a big day ahead of me tomorrow. Cartoons till 12:00, then mallin' it with the pops and Kevin, then going to see Pirates of the Carribean with my favorite Mallory. Then Sunday is the Iron Chef Cook Off 2003 at Melissa's. I'm going to cook Melissa. Shh, don't tell her. Good night Blogger.

And they say that a hero can save us, I'm not goin stand here and wait.
I hold on to the wings of the eagle, watch as they all fly away.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 12:38 AM

Blogger,
Well, I finally figured out how to get back on IM. I fucking hate technology. I really wish i never got so fucking addicted to it. For real. So Kevin came home today. Oy, he's still a walking disaster. I don't know how he survived on his own for 4 days. It was nice without him for a while, but I'm kind of glad he is back now. I need to go out somewhere tomorrow or I'm going to explode. I think I might end up just going for a really long walk and seeing where my feet take me. Thats the end, for now.

Illusion steals reality from the unwise.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 10:14 PM

Blogger,
I still can't log back onto Instant Messenger. Rawr. This is really pissing me off. So anyway, today John Parkinson came over, we played Magic and the like. We made up rules and played the Dragonball Z card game too. Today was Kevin's last day at camp, so he's coming home with Dad tonight. Chinese tonight. Holler that. Tomorrow's Friday, so I'm going to see if Danielle wants to hang out, and if not then I'm going to read "The Great Gatsby." I really wish I could get on IM right now. I'm such an addict, I'm having withdrawls. Later.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 6:20 PM

Blogger,
I just got booted off AIM and I can't get back on, so you get an update. Udating has not been a prioroty lately, just a convienience. God I butchered that word. Blogger needs a spellchecker, seriously. I haven't published the Blogger since saturday either. Oh well. nobody reads it anyway, I don't care. Zach and Jane, and Joey to come too, but I don't know if they are. So yeah, Nothing really exciting today. I still can't get back on AIM. This is pissing me off. Whatever. Last night I made plans to go to the movies with Mallory on Saturday. Its just going to be me and her. Its not really a date, but it kinda is. I don't know. She got me a souvenir from Chicago, and I got it in the mail today. Its a light up keychain thingy. I'm going to use it all the time. Since I can't get back on IM, I'm going to go watch the old Justice League from a few weeks ago with Darkseid I still haven't gotten around to watching. Later.

---Me

[Posted by Stephen] at 9:31 PM

Blogger,
Today was a pretty good day. At around 3:00 Amy came over. We went to the mall and got Wendy's, and I pre-ordered Soul Caliber II. I got a tee-shirt but its an XL and it has some stupid girl charachter on the back. It was free so I'm not complaining. I'll wear it after I shrink it. So it was another fun day with Amy, as always. I love amy mucho. It seems no one has time for her, but I always will. So I'm going to bed soon, I need to fond someone to hang out with tomorrow. Maybe Carolyn or John Parkinson. Good night.

The star that shines twice as bright burns half as long.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:48 PM

Blogger,
Today was a huge improvement on the horrors of last night. I couldn't fall asleep last night, and I finally did around 1:00 am. and then Amy calls me at 2:00 am. Bah. The phone beeped all night. I got no sleep. I kept waking up a little, then drifting off again, only to be awoken by the beeping 40 seconds later. So today, Elizabeth, CRB and I went over to Danielle's house. We set up her tent which we will be camping out in later this week, no thanks to CRB. Apparently, the B doesn't stand for "Boy Scout." We went in the pool and played poker and whatnot. I rode Kevin's bike to and from her house. I'm never doing that again. Its so small. I hate bikes, anyway. So I started cleaning my room, but that didn't really work too well. On the agenda for this week: Tomorrow I'm chillin with Amy, Wednesday I'm going to call John, and Thursday I'm going to see if the Carolyn wants to trek out to Warwick to chill. Right now, I must go to sleep, for I've gotten none.


"Consider the fable of the greedy herder. As her flock grew, so did her weariness; she slept, and the sheep wandered off."
-Karn, Silver Golem

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 10:07 PM

Blogger,
Joe came over today. That Nager. So anyway, I think we played about 25 games of magic. He beat me twice. He can die happy because he beat my overrun deck twice, and I can snicker knowing that its been stripped down, and is no longer the best I have to throw at him. The mono-black discard themed deck I made specifically to piss him off worked nicely. The white-blue deck worked equally nice, although he had me worried for a moment with it. And finally, the Black-Red deck decimated him time after time. That, Joe, is my best deck. The Maraxus of Keld takes no prisoners. We watched Phone Booth, it was really really good. Joe borrowed "The Brothers War." Its such a good book, I have to remember to get it back when he's done reading it. Can't let that piece go. Day well spent.
---
For some reason, after Joe left, as soon as I came back upstairs and sat in my chair, I felt this wave of fear and uncertainty wash over me. I don't know why, but all the anxiety and hatred and worry thats been building up over the past 9 monthes just hit me all at once. I'm running out of me. I really don't know how to explain it other than that. I don't play video games, I don't watch much TV, I'm not playing guitar any more, I've had it up to here with technology and all this computer shit, I don't have anything left. I just don't feel like me anymore, and I don't know why. For some reason, I've also lost all intrest in girls. To be deep and metaphorical, right now my world is a dark hollow shell. It might be because I don't have the light on, but I don't know. My heart's beating at a quickened pace now, and I'm scared. I don't know why. I need to get out and go do something. I need to get away from this. Today she left for good, and I can't say I'm broken hearted about it. She didn't seem to sad about it either. It was as if she was going to the supermarket or something, "I'll be back in 20 minutes." But no. That was the last time she will ever set foot in this house, and neither of us seemed to really care. I'm such a fake person on the outside, Inside I really do care about things, and whats happening. I just can't show it. "Emotionally Challenged" I like to call it. I couldn't cry when I destroyed my knee, I couldn't cry during Godspell, I couldn't cry when I broke Kerry's heart, and made myself the emotionless monster I didn't want to become, I couldn't cry when She started going away, I couldn't cry when i found out She had turned into what she is, I couldn't cry when She told me she wanted a divorce, I couldn't cry when she left, and I can't cry now that I know I've missed out on it all. I'm broken. I don't know what I'm going to do. This is so hard to deal with. I want to go home. This can't be home anymore...

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:41 PM