[Penny for my thought ]

[Saturday, November 01, 2003]

Blogger,
Last night was one of the most amazing nights of my life. All I did yesterday was fret over whether not I would be able to see Kerry, and although the world tried to keep us apart, we both managed to get to Devin's with no casualties. First, Kerry got grounded and didn't think she'd be able to go. She got out of it, but then I realized I had no ride there or home. Matt Hannington agreed to bring me, since he was driving Melissa. Ironically enough, he dislocated his arm at the cross country sectional and had to keep it in a sling. Miraculously, TJ Schuman managed to come get us. The ride there was an adventure and a half. We didn't make the right turn once, but we got there none-the-less, albeit an hour late. Kerry was so pretty. Her and Bobbie were the good angel/bad angel duo. Kerry was the good angel. My good angel. I held her in my arms all night. We kissed alot. She's so sweet to me. We talked about things too, we didn't really watch the movies (The Exorcist, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre). I didn't leave until around 12:00, but it was really painful to have to part with her. I love her so much. Really I do. She loves teasing me so much. I actually formally asked her out, and she said "I'll think about it." I wish I didn't have to work this morning and I could have stayed over at Devin's with her. I miss her already. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Well, I felt this way about her before. That's all the more reason to do it again. The ride home was equally adventurous. TJ drove me and Melissa back to her place. We didn't know how to get there so we just guessed. We totally set our selves up for a horror movie. We definitely drove down Axworthy road, then onto McVeigh road, then through a cemetary, over a bridge, and all the while it was getting increasingly foggier. It's a miracle we're still alive. So all in all I think yesterday was one of the best days ever. I love Kerry so much. She makes me so happy, just to be around her. *sigh* I don't know what I'd do without her. I'm not going to talk to her at all today I don't think. She's going to Ellenville for a football game, I'm working until 2:00 and then Melissa is coming over to watch The Matrix: Reloaded most likely. I need to go get ready for work now. I hope things stay as good as they are. For the first time in so long, I think I'm really happy. Thank you Kerry.

Mood: So Happy.
Music: Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:13 AM

Blogger,
I really wish that for one day everything could be ok. Just 24 hours, thats all I ask for. I can't believe that in the last 20 minuites everything went to hell. Kerry just told me that she's grounded for reasons unknown to me, so she can't go to Devin's party tomorrow night, which means I won't be attending either. All I want is to be with her, and it seems like the world is working to keep us apart. I'm so down about this now. I really thought it was going to work out nicely and we were going to be happy together. First the Amy drama, and now this. Shit, this sucks. I guess it wasn't meant to be after all.

Mood: Bummed.
Music: Third Eye Blind - Darkness

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 7:14 PM

Blogger,
Inspiration hit me. I really hate the situation right now. I'm holding my friendships by a thread. I can't be less friendly with melissa, because then she'll think I was just friends with her because I liked her. I'm losing Carolyn to Joe, the Kerry situation is very fragile right now, and I'm losing Amy because of it. I really like Kerry, and I think things might work out as long as I hold up on my end. I just need some alone time with her, thats all.

xxBaBeeLuV86xx: im so glad things worked out with you
xxBaBeeLuV86xx: im so happy with you

I hope we're ok for a long time. I love this girl so much.

Mood: Confused.
Music: Something Corporate - Konstantine

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:57 PM

Blogger,
The blog is now officially private. Only Joey has the capability to view it, but that's because he's a hacker to the third degree...and he knows my password. But anyway, it's just been really bothering me that people read this and didn't talk to me about anything. Rather, they read it instead of talking to me. So from now on, if nobody talks to me, they won't know what or how I'm feeling. Don't ask, don't tell. I think I might go to Devin's party on Halloween. I really need some alone time with Kerry. At least any time with her outside of school would be nice. I would write more, but I'm uninspired right now.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:06 PM

Blogger,
Today was such a happy day for me. I definitely think I did good on the religion test, and I got an english test back on which I earned a 94. I'm in the process of doing my leisure reading report. It's not coming out as good as I thought it would, but I'm not complaining. As long as I get it done, its good enough in my book. I just finished talking to Amy. We're cool now, but I fear it's come at a price. I'm going to not publicly publish the blog for a while, for my own sake. I really don't want people reading it right now. I'm tired, it's late. Good night.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 10:11 PM

Blogger,
Today was drama-free for the most part. Amy avoided me all day, and there were no confrontations. Kerry and I are fine, so at least everything didn't fall apart. I feel like we picked up right where we left off, which is right where I left her. I think I really do love this girl. I must have been temporarily insane to have broken up with her before. We kissed today, and it was magical. Reading those last few statements over, I realize how gay and mushy I sound, but its the truth. I just got off the phone with Carolyn. She's another great person i've been taking for granted. For one thing, I can talk to her about things, private things, and she really understands. Or at least she pretends she does. Good times. I need to get my shit in order.

Mood: In Love.
Music: Offspring - Keep 'em Seperated

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 7:23 PM

Blogger,
Man, I really don't understand girls. You think you know someone and then she turns crazy possessive immature dumb butt on you. I'm really surprised at Amy for acting this way over something so trivial. I thought our friendship was made of stronger stuff than this, but apparently it was paper-thin all along. Kerry was right about one thing, I'm a different person now than I was a year ago; I'm more independant. Amy used to put me through alot and now she can't anymore and its bothering her inside, I know it. Thats why she's doing this. So I'm really not going to do anything about this. If she never wants to talk to me again, fine. Her loss. When she snaps out of it and realizes that I just want to be a normal friend to her, then maybe we can go back to how we were. Kerry and I aren't going to stop being her friend or anything, its different now, but she's blind to that. I give up. If this is what she wants, to voluntarily lose two friends, then so be it. But I hope she realizes that we both love her very much and want her to still be our friend. I want her to be my friend. I'm done with this for right now. It really hurts that things turned out like this, but in my mind, I'm not the bad guy. I'm not expecting an apoligy or anything, just an acknowledgement that things can go back to normal without a fuss. I everyone will just agree to get along, we can move on with our lives, thats all.

Fall Tragedy: Please just dont let them get to you Stephen, there are more people that love you and care about you than there are people victimizing you. Apreciate those people; forget about the other stupid heads.

Mood: Irked.
Music: Chevelle - Send the Pain Below.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 10:07 PM