[Penny for my thought ]

[Friday, November 21, 2003]

Blogger,
I didn't go to the homecoming dance tonight. It was closed, so only people from Burke could go, and I believe 60 people were actually going to it. Also, Kerry was going to be there, and I didn't really want to see her tonight. i seriously need to get away from her for a few days. Krista picked me up after school at like 3:45 today. We went to CVS to buy condoms, then to the videostore to get movies. We chilled at her house for a little while and then the rest of the poeple came over. It was Melissa, Kristan, Krista, The Conor, Anthony, and I all watching The Sweetest Thing. Thats actually not a bad movie. It's very funny. They're a fun bunch of kids. I enjoy them. So before the rest of the crew came over, Krista and I just chilled and talked and stuff. I didn't realize how much I let her down last sunday. She was so depressed we weren't hanging out, she wrote a whole long angry entry about me in her diary. She showed it to me but wouldn't let me read it. I feel like such a bad person. It's all because of my thing with Kerry. This is how she changed me. I don't like it. I like Krista; despite the whining and hitting, she's a good friend. She's a good person deep down inside, and it shows when she talks to me. So I felt bad lying to her. She wanted one of the three condoms because she wants to have sex with Nick (her ex-boyfriend) on sunday. I told her she really really shouldn't, and then I told her I had sex with Amy. That completely threw her off. She was like WHOA. So hopefully I deterred her from being a slut. I'd really hate for her to turn into a slut like that. I look out for my friends. I have to go to sleep now. Good night.

Mood: Transfixed.
Music: Incubus - Aqueous Transmission.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 11:22 PM

Blogger,
I didn't write last night. I'm sorry. Yesterday I broke up with Kerry. She didn't take it very well, naturally. We just talked about it, and I think we're semi-cool. She's very dissappointed in me, as I figured she would be. I feel like such a horrible person for doing this. This is the second time I've crushed her like this. I'm the bad guy. She's not excommunicating me, which is the nice part about all this. now, I know I missed a day, but I've got to cut this short. I"m very tired. Good night.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:22 PM

Blogger,
I felt a little more optomistic about everything today, and people had to go an bring me down with their problems and shit. I felt like evrything was cool this morning, and then I went to school. Kerry was in a very bad mood today. Her mom is pregnant. They have zero money as it is, so this kid is going to kill them. There are so many things wrong between the two of us, it's not even funny. Our relationship is going downhill quickly. Saturday we went to Hannah and Dale's, and as usual, she got in huge trouble because she was sneaking around. By the end of the daytoday I was so set on breaking up with her. I no longer desire to be with her for these reasons: 1. She's a serious pessimist. She takes everything for wha it is and not what she can do with it. 2. She's changed me, and I know it. Everyone else has noticed it too, and I don't like it and neither do they. 3. She's depriving me of my other friends. Since we got back together I haven't hung out with Krista, Denders, or Meghan, and I haven't even spoken to Jane. I feel bad about neglecting people like this. Finally, she's a total downer. all we've talked about is bad news, she's always grounded, and always on the shit end of the stick. Frankly, I'm sick of it. She also completely ignors me and talks to people, and I have to fight for her initial attention in the mornings. I hate it how she's doesn't believe me about anything either. This morning she asked me if we were ok, and I truthfully said "yes." She took that as a "no, now drop it", and proceeded to tell me how transparent I am. That ticked me off alot. I'm going to do alot of thinking tonight about whether or not I really want to be with her anymore, and I'll get back to you tomorrow. I'm going to go lay in bed and watch emo shows now. Good night.

Mood: Frustrated.
Music: Cake - Daria

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 5:28 PM

Blogger,
Today sucked too. I have no energy to write anything at all. I need a day off, seriously. Peace.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 5:31 PM

Blogger,
Today sucked. Blarg. I really don't have the energy to write anything right now. I'll talk about it tomorrow, I promise.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:52 PM