[Penny for my thought ]

[Saturday, January 17, 2004]

Blogger,
I went to the mall today for my first real date with Smashley. It was very nice. We were a half hour early for the movie, so we just sat and talked outside the theatre for a little while. She gave me her thick framed emo glasses to wear for the day. I was so happy. She thinks they look good on me. So we saw Big Fish. It was really good. It was a weird kind of movie, but I liked it none the less. It was directed by Tim Burton (Nightmare Before Christmas). We held hands through the whole movie. During the credits, everyone left, so we frolicked around the theatre and made out and stuff. She has a weird kiss; it's like she's trying to kiss as much as she can in two seconds. It's so fast. I told her we need to work on that. How else do you get better at kissing than by practicing? She's so innocent and quiet and nice. I really like her, I do. I realized I hadn't formally asked her out, so I did. I asked her if she would be my girlfriend and she said yes. So I suppose we're officially "going out" now. After the movie we ate dinner, and then went to catch our rides home. Her mom and my dad were both waiting at the movie entrance, so they met. They seemed to get along well, so at least I know that her parents hating me is not a problem. Knock on wood. So I'm looking foward to a nice, normal, happy relationship with a nice, normal, happy girl.

And now, funny quotes of the day:

BlakcMajikc: i hate ur live journal bc i dont understand a damn thing ur talkin about, but i forgive u
BlakcMajikc: UNICRON!!!!!!! for life (i am a transformers geek)
BlakcMajikc: u should watch the new power rangers on abc, its a joke (power rangers and captain planet are so politically correct)

growling529: cause you look is emo but your attitude is robots
growling529: yeah thats right i just made robots an adjective

s m ASH 8198: mmm deceptacon

Eclipto Maniac (7:49:55 PM): i cant take it
Eclipto Maniac (7:50:01 PM): my frail mind
Eclipto Maniac (7:50:09 PM): get FFXI
Eclipto Maniac signed off at 7:50:10 PM.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:33 PM

Blogger,
So I just read the two weeks worth of Darksteel previews on the Magic: The Gathering website. I am very excited about the release. It's not too far off either. The pre-release tornament is on January 24th, and the release date will be in February, hopefully for my birthday. There is only one thing I really have a problem with.

Aside from the mycosynth columns and blinkmoth clouds, Mirrodin’s interior is barren. But it’s this emptiness that makes it useful to Memnarch. Away from the meddling of the surface creatures, here Memnarch can practice his greatest achievement as an artificer: the forging of darksteel. This black metal seems to absorb light, and it emanates strange orbits of golden light, revealing its magical nature. Darksteel can be forged and shaped only by magic, and once it cools, it can never be destroyed. Like all such valuable materials, only Memnarch and his favored few have any access to this ultimate metal

Adamantium much? Rawr. I can't believe they took that. At least a cool mechanic sprouted from it. Indestructible artifacts. I can't wait. Also, this is really what I'm excited about.

One ancient legend may yet change everything. There are stories of a great champion called Kaldra, whose spirit is bound into three pieces of weaponry scattered across Mirrodin. Reuniting these objects is supposed to return the ancient being to life, but no one has ever found the three pieces to find out. Who knows whether the legends are true, and what’ll happen if the rejoining ever takes place…?

Oh em gee, Voltron, or captain planet, or the Mega Zord, or a Playstation 3....or even...A NEW PLANESWALKER?!?!? As if the existing few weren't enough. Urza, Mangara, Teferi, Yawgmoth, Serra...and now Kaldra? I'm excited. He's a great warrior, I know it. Like Voltron. The three artifacts his power are held in are the key. We already have the Sword of Kaldra, and I'm going to predict a Sheild, and then either a suit of Armor or just a Helm maybe. I'm excited.

So Blogger, I have bad news. You're completely private now. Nobody is allowed to read you again. Ever. At least not until i print you out into a book and sell copies to people for their literary enjoyment. Maybe I'll even do a little highlight show or something. Who knows. I have a Live Journal now. The link is as follows: http://www.livejournal.com/users/justspace/ I'm going to keep Blogging, and just post the safe entries in that for public viewing. So, this isn't goodbye, I'm just making you my own private little thing.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 1:55 PM

Blogger,
There was a two-hour delay called last night for everyone because it was in the negatives all night and into the morning. This morning I woke up at 7:30 to the list of closings and delays. Burke is still open. Why? I'll tell you why. Because Florida, Warwick, Goshen and Greenwood Lake are open. Burke is officially stupider than Tyler Muer. So I'm staying home all day. More updates as the day goes on.

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 9:54 AM

Blogger,
Today had the potential to be such a good day, but then the internet ruined it. It snowed last night. We got six and a half inches. I didn't wake up until 10:00, and the plow had already come, and there was nothing I needed to shovel. I was ecstatic. So, I came online and talked to Smashley, and everything was good. Then Meghan comes on and starts complaining about our situation again. I'm going to give her time to grieve, but not much more. I know, it was her first broken heart, but come on. Other people are having issues lately also. Julie tried to kill herself for the second time. I swear, she needs help. The third girl attack of the day came from Kerry.

XxBaBeeLuV86xX: why do you hate me? and be honest this time
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: cus i dont like you talking smack
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: just be straight
Just S p a c e: whoa whoa
Just S p a c e: i wasn't talking smack
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: you did
Just S p a c e: when
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: you and your blogger
Just S p a c e: wtf?
Just S p a c e: i don't hate you
Just S p a c e: where are you getting this from
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: its in black and white
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: shall i send it
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: "It's so nice to finally be involved with a carefree person, rather than the psycho drama queen cheerleader I was with before."
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: thats just peachy
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: i could say alot of things about you
Just S p a c e: it's true, you and your whole freaking group are all psycho drama queens
Just S p a c e: i didn't say i hated you for it
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: dramaqueens are not defined as ppl who deal with life
Just S p a c e: in an overly dramatic way
Just S p a c e: i'm a very simple person
Just S p a c e: and you complicated things
Just S p a c e: why are you all being so hostile towards me lately?
Just S p a c e: seriously, what did i do?
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: were not being hostle
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: youre being all secretive
Just S p a c e: what am i hiding from you
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: youre just not being yourself
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: or at least the person you were being
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: its upsetting
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: but i cant ever talk to you about it because you refuse
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: and things cant be normal if you dont deal with them
Just S p a c e: what am i doing different?
Just S p a c e: lets talk about this right now, shall we?
Just S p a c e: tell me how i'm being different
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: whya re you suddenly not friends with any fo your old friends?
Just S p a c e: who old friends
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: for one amy
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: and carolyn and them
Just S p a c e: ok, amy hasn't been talking to me for the past three weeks
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: and why wouldnt you do anything about that?
Just S p a c e: and i talk to carolyn "and them" every day
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: thats not like you
Just S p a c e: you know, i've been making a conscious effort to be happy recently, and nobody likes that
Just S p a c e: i havent been all mopey or depressed in so long
Just S p a c e: and people don't like this "new steve"
Just S p a c e: so basically all i have to say is fuck you, i'm happy, and if you can't deal with me being a little bit different, then piss off i don't want to talk to you
Just S p a c e: now you got me all worked up
Just S p a c e: rawr.
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: steve, understand something
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: the last thing i want is to work you up
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: you need to know that unlike you for me, i actually care what happens to you
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: but you are not who you were, and i was just concerned
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: do what you want, but dont take this like me attacking u
Just S p a c e: well you're coming off as hostile
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: well, when you talk about me like that after all we went through, it tends to piss a person off
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: so im sorry if i have a tone
Just S p a c e: fine
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: i just wish that you would be straight with me once in awhile
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: if you dont like me, just say so
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: you have nothing to lose
Just S p a c e: i don't not like you, i swear
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: you have a unique way of showing it
Just S p a c e: meh
Just S p a c e: i'm a unique person
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: see, that in essence is a change in you
Just S p a c e: ?
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: the fact that i can tell you you make me feel like shit as a person has no effect on you whatsoever
Just S p a c e: i'll be nice to you from now on ok?
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: thats not the point
XxBaBeeLuV86xX: one day, youll know why i worry for you so much

So, I don't understand. Amy hasn't been talking to me for like three weeks. I call her, and she won't talk to me. I don't understand it. I think her and Kerry are conspiring against me. I really don't care anymore. Amy isn't the same person she used to be. She's never happy anymore. She's always complaining about either me or Greg, and right now it's both. I don't understand her. I hate people, really I do. I forgot to write about one thing yesterday, I knew I was forgetting something. I applied to do the New Vision program next year. That means I'm not going to see people at all next year. I'll be going to Burke for 2 periods in the morning, Religion/Gym, and an elective, and then for the rest of the day I'll be at Boces taking English 101 & 102, Government, Engineering I & II, Economics, Calculus, and Physics. It's going to be so much work, but I think I can do it. I don't plan on having much of a social life. I don't much like people, so that shouldn't be a problem. The only other person doing it is Jaimia McFarlin, and we're chill, so it'll be fun. I really don't give her the credit she deserves. We've been tight for the three years we've known eachother, but we've never hung out outside of school. She's so cool though. Oh well. So, in conclusion, I don't very much like girls, (except for Smashley, of course) and I suppose I don't very much like people in general.

You can't take back the one mistake
that still lives on after life it takes
and that one day that changed our lives
and bitter memories it left behind.

Please stay, you left me here alone.
It's the end of the line.
Please stay I can't make it on my own.
It's the end of the line.
---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 7:25 PM

Blogger,
I was so stressed out today. I did my anatomy packet, chapter ten outline, leisure reading, chem packet, labs, and anatomy poster all on time. I yelled at some people, and ignored others. I yelled at Meghan. I totally kicked her ass with words. I always want to write so much in here, but I always either forget or get lazy. Today I'm lazy. i'm tired, so I'm going to bed. It might snow tomorrow. I'm excited. I <3 Smashley.

BeAcHGuRRL97: thats the 2nd time in like a week you've called me a math figure
BeAcHGuRRL97: i cant believe you called me a parabola face

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 10:08 PM

Blogger,
Today was a pretty routine day. School was boring. I actually participated in english. I have so much work to do before next Tuesday (quarter deadline), and most of it is due tomorrow. Leisure reading, anatomy project, and anatomy packet are all due tomorrow. I walked around with Smashley again today. She's not much of a talker. I hope that won't be a problem. I wanted to kiss her again today, but I got nervous. I was afraid of Meghan seeing. I know she's always lingering somewhere near, and I don't want her to see. Maybe tomorrow. In other non-girl related news, Enders got this message last night:

Deadly Evans (10:19:53 PM 5/29/200X): OMG 1is73n d00d, I 4M j00 FR0M TeH fU7uR3. B3W4R3. R0B0TZ T4KE 0V3rz, Nd PWN TEH P14N37!!!!11 0NLY j00 c4n d3l3tz0r teh 3viL. PH34r teh z0mbi3s! d3str0yz teh b0tz. fr4g teh 3n3my!!!11one
Deadly Evans (10:20:10 PM 1/12/2004): Whoa, are you serious? How did you contact me?
Deadly Evans (10:20:24 PM 5/29/200X): dOuBlE sHiFT tHrOuGh tImE!!!!1111oNe

So we're going to aquire the Vortex Regulator and attempt a TiMe ShIfT later on in the week. Teh z0mb13z Mus7 b t3h d3s7r0y3d.

Deadly Evans: your life is like a harvest game
Deadly Evans: without the farming

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 3:58 PM

Blogger,
The situation isn't as bad as I thought it was. I'm still a jerk because now that I think about it, I really did lead Meghan on. I wish she didn't like me. I told her not to right off the bat. One of the first conversations I ever had with her was about that. I told her that I would break her heart. Why didn't she listen to me? I don't know. So I walked around with Smashley between every class today. I was very distant though, because I was nervous about Meghan and whatnot. Meghan is just going to have to get over it. She claims she'll never talk to me or Smashley again, but I know she'll eventually be glad her two best friends are together. This is not going to be another Kerry. I am not losing a friend to gain a lover, and I am most certainly not going to ignore friends to hang out with her. I'm going to be all inclusive. It will be perfect. Ashley is such a nice girl. It's so nice to finally be involved with a carefree person, rather than the psycho drama queen cheerleader I was with before. Speaking of Kerry, we're talking again. We talked last night, and we're cool with eachother now. So that was a huge load off my back. The only thing I'm worried about is Amy. She isn't talking to me lately. I know she has alot to say too. She just keeps blowing me off though. I don't understand her sometimes. I know she's not going to like the thought of me and Ashley together. It seems that she's happier when I don't have a girlfriend. I just wish she would talk to me. Rawr. I don't care what she has to say anyway. Stephen <3's Smashley and Smashley <3's Stephen. So there. Everwood is new tonight, so I have to finish my homework now so I can watch it.

Mood: In love.
Music: Offspring - Falling

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 8:40 PM

Blogger,
I am Stephen. I am the biggest boy jerk in the world. I am the destroyer of fantasies, the deconstructor of untold love, and the Ruiner of Worlds. I'm such a stupid person sometimes. Once again I managed to single-handedly destroy a true friendship. Ug. So here are details. Last night I had an incredibly amazing time with Ashley. We partied it up like there was no tomorrow, which, in retrospect, was a mistake, seeing as I'm here in the tomorrow of yesterday writing this. I kissed her. She kissed me back. I thought it was a great moment, but then I remembered Meghan. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but I was blinded by my emotions. I have a thing for Ashley I can't get rid of. Now this morning when I woke up, I got that sinking feeling that I always get when high school drama is approaching. I told Meghan what happened. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. Now she hates me. That I can understand, but she's also hating Ashley too. It's not her fault. I kissed her. I feel so bad doing this to Meghan of all people. I'm such a jerk. The jerkiest part about it is that if I could take it back, I wouldn't. I hate highschool drama. I try to not get involved with it, but I fail miserably at this. Now I've dragged two innocent girls I love to death into it. I hate myself so much right now. I'm such a failure. I lose highschool.


Pre-Hyptnotized Peter


What Office Space character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


I've broken my shackles, but I'm still inside the cage...

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 12:06 PM

Blogger,
I'm home now. Semi was so much fun. Just so everyone knows, I'm a really really really bad dancer, but I don't care. I jump up and get down. I swing my arms around and totally disregard the beat. I look like a complete fool, but I don't care. I have fun, dammit. And boy, did I have fun. I danced with Smashley the whole night. She's such a good dancer. We danced to ghetto tunes such as EI, Pump it Up, Right Therrrrre and other melodius rhymes. Grood times. "Scandeloussss", rawr. Bobby pin girl!! So, I'm really very tired. I need to sleep. Tomorrow I'm teaching Melissa chemistry. It's going to be a long day. Good night

s m ASH 8198: stephen, your such a hot dancer... especially when its "stoner dancing" mmm

---Me
[Posted by Stephen] at 12:28 AM